Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
