Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
