Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
