sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
