My liver just broke up with me...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
