K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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