wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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