my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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