i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
