Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
