Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
