I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
