i need an iv and a liver transplant
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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