Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
