i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
