hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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