Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
