i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
