Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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