Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
