WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
