Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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