I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
