I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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