Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
