Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i think i just lost a toe
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
