What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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