Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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