Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
