My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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