I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
