so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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