You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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