I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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