just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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