apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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