i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
