she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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