ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
