I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
