I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
