in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
