It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
