I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
