Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
