walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
