it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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