As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
