a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
