He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
