tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
