Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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